She’s old and it’s about time she died.
“She’s old and it’s about time she died.”
“Wow, that’s harsh Mum, jeez!” Adam wasn’t easily shocked, but the comment was a bit much. “She can’t help being old, and she doesn’t want to be a burden. At least, she wouldn’t, if she knew.”
Toni felt no remorse about her attitude, no need to be apologetic. Having spent the last 60 years wishing her mother would notice her, she now had to endure the old trout’s presence day and night. Talking at her constantly, asking for help, making demands: needy. In her dementia she was a different person than before, to a large extent. She acted as if they had always been close, loving mother and doting daughter relationship, exactly the kind Toni used covet, once upon a time.
Adam grandkids had never seen the real Audrey, not even before her illness. Toni wondered why that was. Was it guilt? Doubtful, her mother never had a day of guilt in her life, that she admitted to. Most likely it was just that grandchildren were just less demanding, and they go home at the end of the day. Adam didn’t represent work or responsibility for Toni’s mother,so he just entertainment for her. Then when she became ‘old’, was also useful for helping ‘poor old granny’ whenever she sweet talked him into it, which wasn’t difficult.
Even more frustrating was the fact that she was pleasant, and almost kind towards Toni too, since the brain disease. Her memory seemed to have degraded to the point that she no longer had enough ego to remember to be mean, how ironic is that! She didn’t know who Toni was most of the time, hence she treated her to the charm and grace that had in latter days been reserved only for ‘outsiders’. It was honestly the best version of her mother that Toni had ever witnessed. Toni caught herself enjoying the feeling of being seen and treated with respect. She scolded herself for that though, it made her feel childish, insecure, and gullible.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about Adam. She’d prefer we were inconvenienced for the rest of our lives than have a minute of discomfort herself.”
Adam raised his eyebrows but kept his thoughts to himself. There were some things better left unsaid about the relationship between his mother and grandmother, and he knew he wasn’t in a position to have an informed opinion, so he kept his mouth shut.
The wheelchair was ready, and the old woman dressed in warm clothes on the edge of the hospital style bed in the converted granny annexe. The two of them lifted her into the chair, and left for the malvern hills trip they had planned.
The breeze was strong enough to blow them about a bit, but also lovely and fresh on a day as hot as this one in August.
“Great day for this mom, we really lucked out!”
“Hmm”. Toni was quiet, reflective.
“Do you want an ice cream? I could go down and get one for us all, from that van we saw on the way up?”.
Perking up, Toni said “yes, that’s a great idea son, we’ll wait here”.
Adam was pleased to have found something to lift his mother’s mood, even temporarily, and went off down the sandy path to find the ice cream van. When he turned briefly to look at the two of them, he saw Toni was still watching at him, with a look affection, and perhaps pride. There was something else though, something etched in her brow that he couldn’t quite place.
He returned with 3 Mr Whippys, and was almost at the top of the hill, when the scene in front of him came into full view. It was confusing, and chilling. His mother silently crying, he presumed, with her head was in her hands, she was trembling. His grandmother in her wheelchair, was nowhere that he could see. Something terrible had happened, that much was obvious. He dropped the ice creams on their creamy heads onto the sandy hill and sprinted the short distance he had yet to cover to reach hism mother.
“What happened, Mum? ”, he raised his voice to shake her into action “MUM!?! Where’s Gran?”
“G-g-gone.” Toni said, into her hands, still shaking.
Adam looked around, panicked, thinking that perhaps someone had, for some insane reason, seen fit to kidnap a batty 84 year old woman in a wheelchair!
“Mum! What do you mean, where is she?!”
Toni didn’t answer, she lifted one arm and with her index finger outstretched pointed past the edge of the hill they were standing on, towards the sheer drop below. Adam looked down as she’d indicated. To his horror he saw an upturned wheelchair right at the bottom of the valley. He could only just make it out, but he also thought he recognised the lilac pattern of his gran’s dress in amongst the grey, sharp edged Malvern rocks.
“OH MY GOD MUM! What? HOW?! Have you called anyone?”
Adam turned to look at his mother, to see why she wasn’t answering his questions. He gently prised her hands away, and as he held her face in his hands, she looked him straight in the eye. Not a tear in sight.
Adam realised with dismay, that Toni hadn’t in fact been crying. She’d been laughing.
